7 things narcissists will do to make you emotionally dependent on them without you realizing it

There’s a stark contrast between people who genuinely love and care for you, and those who want to control you. The difference? Subtle tactics.

Narcissists, for example, are experts at making you emotionally dependent on them without you even realizing it. It’s a crafty strategy that leaves you feeling powerless and unsure of your own instincts.

But here’s the thing — emotional dependency isn’t about love or care, it’s about control. And recognizing these tactics is the first step towards reclaiming your independence and self-esteem.

In this piece, we’ll delve into the 7 things narcissists do to make you emotionally dependent on them, all while appearing as the ‘caring’ ones.

Remember, awareness is key when it comes to parenting your own emotions — it’s just as crucial as nurturing your little ones. So let’s shine a light on these shadowy tactics together.

1) The art of subtle criticism

Narcissists are masters at the art of subtle criticism. It’s a game they play, and they’re very good at it.

You see, narcissists are well aware that overt criticism can push people away. So, they opt for subtle digs and veiled put-downs instead. It’s their crafty way of chipping away at your self-esteem without you even realizing it.

These subtle criticisms can come in the form of backhanded compliments, sarcastic remarks, or even seemingly harmless jokes. But the underlying message is always the same: “You’re not good enough.”

Over time, this constant barrage of subtle criticism can make you doubt your own worth and abilities. You start to believe that you need the narcissist to validate your self-worth.

Recognizing this tactic is crucial. Remember, no one has the right to belittle you or make you feel less than you are.

2) The never-ending loyalty test

Narcissists have a unique way of testing your loyalty, and trust me, I’ve experienced this first hand.

I had a friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane had a knack of creating situations that required me to ‘prove’ my loyalty to her. If I didn’t jump at every opportunity to demonstrate that she was my top priority, the guilt trip would follow.

It was always about how I had let her down, how I didn’t care enough, or how I was being selfish. Before I knew it, I was constantly bending over backward to keep Jane happy and avoid her emotional outbursts.

This is a common tactic narcissists use. They create situations where you feel obligated to go out of your way for them. If you fail to meet their unreasonable demands, they make you feel guilty.

The aim? To make you so emotionally entangled that you start prioritizing their needs over yours without even realizing it. It’s a sneaky way of maintaining control and ensuring that you’re always available for them.

Once I recognized this pattern with Jane, it was a wake-up call. Remember, true friendship isn’t about constant tests of loyalty. It’s about mutual respect and understanding. And no one should ever make you feel guilty for not meeting their unreasonable demands.

3) The false image of perfection

Narcissists are great at presenting themselves as the epitome of perfection. They always appear to have it all together — successful career, enviable relationships, and an impressive lifestyle.

Narcissists frequently use this image of perfection to mask their insecurities and manipulate others into admiring them.

By maintaining this flawless image, they subtly make you feel inferior and inadequate. You find yourself constantly comparing your life to theirs and feeling like you don’t measure up.

This comparison breeds self-doubt, making you more susceptible to their control. You start to believe that you need them to guide you or to ‘fix’ your life.

But remember, nobody’s perfect. And anyone who insists they are is likely hiding something. Don’t let the false image of perfection cloud your judgment or erode your self-esteem.

4) The emotional roller coaster

Narcissists have a way of keeping you on your toes. One minute they’re showering you with affection and the next, they’re cold and distant. This unpredictable behavior is what I call the ’emotional roller coaster.’

This tactic keeps you disoriented and confused. You find yourself constantly trying to figure out what went wrong and how to get back in their good graces.

The unpredictability is stressful and exhausting, but it also makes the moments of affection feel that much more rewarding. It’s a phenomenon known as ‘intermittent reinforcement,’ and it’s incredibly effective at keeping you hooked.

You start to crave their approval and affection, making you more emotionally dependent on them.

Always remember, a healthy relationship doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re riding an emotional roller coaster. Consistency and mutual respect should be the norm, not the exception.

5) The gaslighting game

There was a time in my life when I began to doubt my own sanity. I’d remember events or conversations one way, but the person I was with would insist they happened differently. It felt like I was losing my grip on reality.

This is known as gaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic often used by narcissists. By denying your experiences and insisting their version of reality is correct, they make you question your memory, perception, and sanity.

The goal? To destabilize your sense of reality, making you more reliant on them for what’s ‘true.’

Once I identified this tactic, it felt like a fog was lifted. If someone makes you question your own reality or sanity, it’s not love — it’s control. Trust your instincts. Your experiences are valid and they matter.

6) The isolation strategy

Narcissists often employ a divide-and-conquer strategy. They’ll subtly drive a wedge between you and your support system, be it friends, family, or colleagues.

They might make subtle comments about your loved ones, convincing you that they’re not really looking out for your best interests. Or, they might create situations that make it difficult for you to spend time with others.

The aim is to isolate you, making you more reliant on them for emotional support and companionship. By cutting you off from your support system, they ensure that they become your main source of validation and affection.

Always remember, a healthy relationship will never isolate you from the people who care about you. Your loved ones are an essential part of your life and any attempt to sever those ties should be seen as a red flag.

7) The victim card

The most potent weapon in a narcissist’s arsenal is playing the victim. They have an uncanny ability to twist situations, making themselves appear as the wronged party.

Even when they’re clearly at fault, they’ll manipulate the narrative, painting themselves as the misunderstood victim. This ploy elicits sympathy and diverts attention from their unacceptable behavior.

Don’t be fooled. It’s a calculated move designed to deflect blame and maintain control. When someone constantly plays the victim card, it’s likely a sign of manipulation, not misfortune. Stand firm in your perceptions and don’t allow yourself to be swayed by unfounded guilt or pity.

Final thoughts: It’s all about self-awareness

At the core of understanding these manipulative tactics is the power of self-awareness.

Just like a chameleon changes its colors to blend into its surroundings, narcissists have an uncanny ability to adapt their strategies to maintain control. And the more aware we are of these tactics, the better equipped we are to navigate and protect ourselves from them.

Remember, at the end of the day, your emotional health is paramount. You have a right to feel valued, respected, and loved in all your relationships.

So, if any of these tactics resonate with you, it might be time to reflect on your relationships. Are they balanced? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Or do they leave you feeling drained and uncertain?

While it’s important to empathize with others, it’s equally essential to prioritize your own wellbeing. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Self-awareness is the first step towards emotional independence. It’s about recognizing when you’re being manipulated and taking steps to reclaim control of your emotions and your life.

And remember, help is always available. Reach out to trusted friends, family or professionals if you need support. You’re not alone in this journey.