7 subtle tactics master manipulators will use to turn you against the good people in your life

There’s a fine line between persuasion and manipulation, a line that master manipulators know all too well how to blur.

Manipulation, unlike influence, is all about making someone act in your favor, often against their own best interests and without their full knowledge of your true motives.

Master manipulators can even turn you against the good people in your life, using subtle tactics that can be hard to spot unless you know what to look for.

In this article, we’ll explore seven of these tactics, arming you with the knowledge you need to protect your relationships and maintain a positive environment for yourself and your loved ones.

Remember, it’s not about finger-pointing or creating trust issues; it’s about being aware, and making sure your relationships are built on honesty and mutual respect. After all, as parents, that’s the kind of example we want to set for our children.

1) Playing the victim card

A master manipulator is often a skilled actor, capable of portraying themselves as the victim in any situation.

This is a tactic designed to evoke sympathy and create an emotional bond. When you feel sorry for someone, you are more likely to side with them, even if it means turning against others who are actually in the right.

They might share sob stories about how they’ve been wronged by others, often those who they want to turn you against. These stories may be exaggerated or even completely fabricated, but they are so emotionally charged that they are hard to dismiss.

The aim here is not just to make you sympathetic towards them, but also to make you feel protective. This can cloud your judgement and make it easier for them to influence your actions and decisions.

Remember, it’s okay to offer empathy and support. But it’s also essential to maintain a clear perspective and not let anyone’s sob story justify inappropriate behavior or turn you against the people who genuinely care about you.

2) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that I’ve personally experienced. It involves manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity or perceptions of reality.

I remember how a former friend would constantly challenge my memories of events, insisting that things hadn’t happened the way I remembered them. There were times she’d tell me I was overreacting or being overly sensitive to comments she’d made, even when they were blatantly hurtful.

This constant dismissal and undermining of my experiences made me start to doubt my own judgement. It created a sense of confusion and insecurity, which she then used to control and manipulate me further.

The aim of gaslighting is to make you feel unstable and unsure, so that you become more dependent on the manipulator for validation and reality-checks. It’s a subtle but incredibly damaging tactic, and it can be very difficult to detect unless you’re aware of it.

If you ever find yourself questioning your own sanity or perceptions because of someone else’s assertions, take a step back. Trust in your own experiences and instincts. Don’t let anyone else redefine your reality for their own purposes.

3) Triangulation

Triangulation is a classic manipulation tactic where the manipulator uses a third person to validate their perspective and undermine yours. It’s a form of divide and conquer strategy that manipulators deploy to sow discord among people who might otherwise team up against them.

In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that people who engage in relational aggression, which includes tactics like triangulation, are often able to maintain higher social status within their groups.

The manipulator might say things like, “Even John agrees with me that you’re being unreasonable.” By doing this, they’re not only invalidating your viewpoint but also making you feel isolated and outnumbered.

It’s important to recognize this tactic for what it is. Don’t let someone else’s opinion, especially when it’s presented second-hand, shake your confidence or sway your perspective. Stand firm in your beliefs and remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

4) Projecting their flaws onto you

Master manipulators often have a knack for projecting their own negative traits onto the people around them.

This tactic serves a dual purpose. Firstly, it deflects attention from their own shortcomings. Secondly, it keeps you on the defensive, too busy justifying yourself to see what they’re really up to.

They might accuse you of being selfish when they’re the ones consistently putting their needs first. Or they might call you untrustworthy while they’re the ones breaking promises.

This kind of blame-shifting can be incredibly disorienting, and it’s designed to be that way. The key is to recognize it for what it is and not let their accusations undermine your self-esteem.

Remember, accusations are not facts. Don’t let someone else’s projections define who you are.

5) Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a powerful and often subtle manipulation tactic. It’s something I’ve run into more times than I’d like to admit.

I recall a situation where a close friend would often threaten to end our friendship whenever we disagreed. It always left me feeling like I was walking on eggshells, scared to express my opinion in fear of losing someone important to me.

This is a classic example of emotional blackmail: using someone’s fear, obligation, or guilt (often referred to as FOG) to control them and get them to comply with your desires.

Whether it’s a threat, a guilt trip, or an appeal to your sense of duty, emotional blackmail is all about coercion. It’s about making you feel bad so you’ll give in.

If you ever find yourself giving into demands because you’re scared of the consequences, take a step back. Healthy relationships are built on respect and understanding, not fear and manipulation. You have the right to express your feelings and stand up for what you believe in.

6) Playing on your insecurities

Master manipulators have an uncanny ability to identify and exploit your insecurities. They may use subtle jibes or backhanded compliments to make you feel bad about yourself or keep you off balance.

For instance, they might comment on how well your sibling is doing in their career when they know you’re feeling unsure about your own job. Or they might constantly bring up past mistakes, not to help you learn from them, but to keep you feeling inadequate or guilty.

The objective of this tactic is to undermine your self-confidence and make you more susceptible to their influence. It’s a low and dirty trick, but it’s also sadly effective.

Remember, everyone has insecurities, but they don’t define your worth. Don’t let anyone use them against you. Recognize your strengths, embrace your flaws, and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are.

7) Constant criticism

The most insidious tactic manipulators use is constant criticism. They nitpick, belittle, and make you feel incompetent or unworthy.

Whether it’s your cooking, your parenting style, or your work ethic, nothing seems good enough for them. They’re always quick to point out what you could have done better, even when you’ve done your best.

This constant barrage of negativity can take a toll on your self-esteem and leave you feeling like you can’t do anything right without their guidance. This dependency is exactly what the manipulator wants.

Remember, constructive criticism is meant to help, not to hurt. If someone’s feedback leaves you feeling worthless rather than empowered to improve, it’s not about your shortcomings but their need to control. Stand strong and don’t let anyone undermine your worth with their constant criticism.

Final thoughts: Knowledge is power

The human psyche is an intricate web of emotions, perceptions, and reactions. It’s a landscape that manipulators often navigate with cunning precision, using subtle tactics to control and exploit.

The most important thing to remember is that awareness is your greatest defense against manipulation. Understanding these tactics, recognizing them when they’re used against you, and knowing how to respond are crucial steps towards protecting yourself and your relationships.

Remember, everyone has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. No amount of manipulation should make you question your worth or turn you against the good people in your life.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Armed with knowledge and understanding, you can ensure that manipulators never gain that consent.

Stay vigilant, trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone undermine your sense of self or your relationships. That is the power you hold.