People who present themselves as easygoing in public but are controlling in private usually display these 7 behaviors

We all know that people can be different in private than they are in public. Some folks may seem laid-back and easygoing when out and about, but turn into control freaks once they’re in the comfort of their own home.

These individuals can often exhibit certain behaviors that give them away. And if you’re a parent, being aware of these signs can be helpful for understanding your own interactions, or even those of other adults around your children.

So, let’s delve into the world of these ‘publicly easygoing but privately controlling’ individuals. I’ll reveal the 7 typical behaviors they display, which might just help you navigate your relationships better.

Whether it’s with your partner, co-parent, or a friend, understanding these signs can create more clarity in your interactions.

However, no one is perfect – we all have our quirks. The key is to recognize them and work towards positive change.

1) Hidden agendas

Individuals who are easygoing in public but controlling in private tend to have hidden agendas.

You see, in public, they maintain a go-with-the-flow persona. It’s all about pleasing others and avoiding conflict. They seem agreeable, cooperative, and hard to upset.

But once things move to a private setting, their true colors often shine through. They have a clear idea of what they want, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get it. The laid-back attitude vanishes, replaced by a need for control and order.

To spot this behavior in someone, pay attention to discrepancies between their public and private personas. Do their actions align with their easygoing image? Or do you notice an undercurrent of control when you’re alone with them?

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. But understanding these signs can help you navigate relationships better and promote healthier interactions.

2) Unreasonable expectations

I’ve noticed that folks who present themselves as easygoing in public but are controlling in private often harbor unreasonable expectations.

Let me share an example from my own life. I had a friend who was the epitome of relaxed and carefree when we were in groups. She would laugh off mistakes, shrug off disagreements, and go with the flow in any situation.

But when we were alone, it was a different story. She expected things to be done her way and had a hard time with compromise. I remember one time we were planning a joint birthday party for our kids.

In public, she was all about flexibility, saying she was good with whatever I suggested. But when we got down to the nitty-gritty planning in private, she was adamant about her ideas, expecting me to comply without question.

Recognizing this behavior helped me understand our dynamic better. It allowed me to address the issue head-on and foster a healthier friendship.

So keep an eye out for this tell-tale sign of hidden control and remember to address it with understanding and patience.

3) Controlling communication

Those who are secretly controlling often use communication as a tool for control.

In public, their conversations may seem casual and relaxed. They give off an air of being open-minded and understanding. But in private, they might dominate discussions, interrupt frequently, or dismiss others’ opinions outright.

Psychology reveals that individuals who constantly steer conversations and disregard others’ thoughts exhibit a form of psychological control. It’s a way for them to maintain dominance while undermining the self-esteem of those they communicate with.

Observing how someone communicates can provide insight into their true nature. If you notice these signs, it’s essential to maintain your confidence and ensure your voice is heard too.

4) Unexpected mood swings

Another sign of someone who is easygoing in public but controlling in private is sudden and unexpected mood swings.

They might be all smiles one moment, appearing as the life of the party when in a social setting. However, once they’re behind closed doors, that cheerful facade may quickly fade away, replaced by impatience, frustration, or even anger.

These dramatic mood changes can be disorienting and confusing for those around them. It’s like dealing with two entirely different people in one.

If you notice this in someone, it’s crucial to remember that their mood swings are not your responsibility. It’s okay to step back and protect your emotional wellbeing when needed.

5) Lack of respect for boundaries

I’ve learned that people who seem relaxed in public but are controlling in private often don’t respect personal boundaries.

I once had a co-worker who, in meetings, was always supportive and respectful. But when we worked together privately on projects, he would frequently overstep his role and make decisions without consulting me.

It felt invasive and unsettling, as though my input and my role didn’t matter.

This lack of respect for my professional boundaries made me feel undervalued and disrespected. It took time and courage to voice my concerns, but doing so was essential to regain my sense of autonomy and self-respect in our work relationship.

If you encounter someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries, remember it’s your right to establish them firmly and protect your space.

6) Manipulative praise

People who are easygoing in public but controlling in private often use praise as a manipulative tool.

On the surface, their compliments may seem genuine and uplifting.

But if you pay close attention, you might notice a pattern – the praise often precedes a request or favor. It’s as if they’re softening you up before making their move.

This tactic can make it hard to say no, as it feels like rejecting their request would also reject their compliment.

It’s important to remember that genuine praise should be given freely, not used as a bargaining chip. Don’t let manipulative praise sway your decisions – it’s okay to say no regardless of the compliments you’ve received.

7) Passive-aggressive behavior

The most significant sign of a person who is easygoing in public but controlling in private is passive-aggressive behavior.

They might make sarcastic comments, give you the silent treatment, or subtly undermine your ideas. These actions are often disguised as jokes or offhand remarks, making them harder to spot.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be emotionally draining and damaging to relationships. If you identify this behavior in someone, it’s essential to address it openly and honestly.

It’s also crucial to ensure your emotional well-being isn’t compromised by their actions.

Final thoughts: It’s about understanding

The nuances of human behavior can be complex and multifaceted. People who appear easygoing in public yet display controlling tendencies in private can be particularly perplexing.

This dichotomy, while challenging, sheds light on the vast spectrum of human personality. It introduces us to the concept of ‘public self’ versus ‘private self’, and the sometimes stark contrast between the two.

What’s crucial to remember is that understanding these behaviors isn’t about judgment or labeling. It’s about gaining insight into human nature, enabling more effective communication, and fostering healthier relationships.

Whether you’ve noticed these behaviors in a friend, a family member, or even yourself, remember – knowledge is power.

Awareness of these signs can lead to meaningful conversations, personal growth, and ultimately, more genuine connections.