Has your adult child stopped sharing their life with you? These 7 behaviors might be why

As parents, we often find ourselves navigating a delicate balance between giving our adult children the independence they crave and staying emotionally connected with them.

This dance gets trickier when your once open-book child suddenly becomes a closed diary.

Why is it that they’ve stopped sharing their life with you?

Chances are, it’s not random. There might be certain behaviors or habits you’re exhibiting that are causing this shift.

In this light-hearted article, we’re going to delve into seven possible behaviors that might be causing your adult child to clam up. Remember, understanding is the first step to change. So, let’s dive in and figure this out together.

1) Too much advice

Parenthood often comes with a natural instinct to guide and advise.

However, with adult children, there’s a fine line between helpful guidance and unwanted advice.

Let’s face it – as adults, we all value our freedom to make choices and learn from our mistakes. Your adult child is no exception.

While it may be hard to resist the urge to advise, especially when you foresee potential pitfalls, it’s essential to remember that your adult child is navigating their own journey.

Constant advice might be interpreted as a lack of faith in their decision-making abilities.

So instead of jumping in with advice, try asking questions that help them think through the situation. This approach shows your interest and support without infringing on their autonomy.

Remember, it’s about balance. There’s a time for offering wisdom and a time for stepping back. Finding that balance might just open the doors of communication once again.

2) Not respecting boundaries

This one hits close to home for me.

When my daughter first moved out to start her college journey, I found myself constantly checking up on her. I’d text her every day, asking about her classes, her friends, her meals…you name it. I thought I was just being a caring mom.

However, one day she gently told me, “Mom, I love that you care, but I also need some space to figure things out on my own.”

That’s when it hit me – in my attempt to stay connected, I had crossed the boundary from being involved to being intrusive.

Respecting your adult child’s boundaries is crucial. It’s about understanding that they are their own individuals with their own lives. It could be as simple as not calling them multiple times a day or respecting their privacy on social media.

Remember, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you’re distancing yourself. Instead, it fosters mutual respect and opens up room for deeper conversations.

3) Too much criticism

It’s no secret that criticism, even when it’s well-intentioned, can often feel like an attack. This is especially true for younger generations.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that young adults tend to experience criticism from parents as intrusive and controlling.

This is not to say that you should never point out areas where your adult child could improve. However, it’s important to remember how you frame your feedback can make all the difference.

Aim for constructive criticism rather than harsh comments. Focus on the behavior, not the person. And most importantly, make sure your feedback is balanced with genuine praise and recognition of their strengths.

After all, everyone appreciates feeling valued and respected, especially by those closest to them.

4) Lack of active listening

Active listening goes beyond just hearing the words your child is saying. It’s about showing genuine interest and understanding in their experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

In the hustle and bustle of our lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of passive listening – where we’re physically present but mentally elsewhere. Or worse, we listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.

If your adult child senses that you’re not fully present during conversations or that you’re just waiting for your turn to speak, they might feel unheard and undervalued. This could discourage them from opening up in the future.

So next time you chat with your adult child, try to truly tune in. Show empathy, ask follow-up questions, and validate their feelings. This will show them that their voice matters to you and encourage them to share more.

5) Reluctance to let go of the past

I still remember those days when my son used to run around the house, causing all sorts of chaos. It’s hard not to reminisce about those simpler times when he needed me for everything.

But holding onto those memories too tightly can make it difficult for us, as parents, to see our children as the adults they’ve become. This can lead to treating them as if they’re still kids, which can be frustrating and demeaning for them.

It’s essential to acknowledge that your child has grown up and is capable of managing their own life. Yes, they will make mistakes, but that’s part of their learning journey.

Letting go of the past allows us to appreciate who our children are now and fosters a more mature and respectful relationship.

6) The absence of open-mindedness

Life is about evolution and growth. Our adult children will have different views, beliefs, and lifestyles that may not align with ours.

But that’s okay. It’s important to remember that they have their journey, just like we have ours.

If your child feels judged or criticized for their choices, they might be less likely to share their life with you. On the other hand, displaying open-mindedness can foster trust and openness in your relationship.

So, cultivate an environment of acceptance and understanding.

Show them that you respect their opinions and choices, even if they differ from yours. This can encourage them to express themselves more freely, deepening your connection.

7) Lack of quality time

In the midst of our busy lives, quality time can often take a backseat. But it’s the shared moments and experiences that create strong bonds and open lines of communication.

If your adult child has stopped sharing their life with you, it might be because there’s a lack of meaningful interaction.

Spending quality time together doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It could be as simple as sharing a meal, going for a walk, or just having a heart-to-heart chat.

These moments provide an opportunity for your child to open up, and for you to show interest in their life. So make it a priority to invest time in your relationship. After all, it’s these shared moments that become memories and keep the lines of communication open.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

Stepping into the world of parenthood brings along a myriad of emotions and experiences. As our children grow into adulthood, the dynamics of this relationship naturally evolve. It’s a journey, and like any journey, there are going to be bumps along the way.

The transition from being a parent of a child to being a parent of an adult can be challenging. It’s a delicate dance where you’re trying to balance between providing guidance and allowing them their independence. It’s not uncommon to stumble.

Remember, communication is key. If your adult child has distanced themselves, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation about it. Discuss your feelings without laying blame or making them defensive.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself and with them. It might take time for things to change. But with understanding, respect, and love, you can nurture the bond with your adult child.

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” — Denis Waitley.

As parents, our ultimate goal is to raise children who are capable, responsible, and independent adults. And sometimes, that means taking a step back and trusting them with their journey.

Remember, they’re not just your children; they’re individuals discovering their own path in life. And as they do so, let’s ensure we’re not just spectators but their strongest supporters too.