8 behaviors that reveal someone was raised to suppress their emotions (and how it still shows up in adulthood)

When someone grows quiet, you might think they’re just tired. When they laugh off a serious subject, you assume they’re just trying to lighten the mood. But what if I told you these could be signs of something much deeper?

Understanding human behavior isn’t always as straightforward as reading a book. It’s more like decrypting a secret code. And that code becomes particularly complex when it comes to people who’ve been raised to suppress their emotions.

Unraveling this code isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible either. Especially when you know what to look for.

Today, we’ll dive into 8 specific behaviors that reveal if someone was raised to suppress their emotions and how it still manifests in their adulthood.

Just remember: every person is unique, and these pointers are not one-size-fits-all. But they might just help you understand your loved ones a little better. And who knows? You might even learn something about yourself along the way.

1) They’re experts at changing the topic

Conversations are a roller coaster ride of emotions. One moment you’re laughing, the next you’re contemplating life’s deepest mysteries.

But for those who’ve been raised to suppress their emotions, this roller coaster can feel like a dangerous territory. That’s why they’ve mastered the art of subtly changing the topic whenever things get a bit too personal or emotional.

Have you ever noticed how some people can skillfully divert the conversation when it starts to veer into deeper waters? It’s not just a talent, it’s a survival mechanism.

They might crack a joke, bring up a completely unrelated subject, or even ask you about your day. All to steer clear of their emotional depths.

It’s not that they don’t want to share. It’s just that they might not know how to, or even that they can. After all, for them, emotions were something to be kept under wraps, not laid out in the open.

Understanding this pattern can help us be more patient and supportive in our interactions with them.

2) They often wear a “mask”

Just like a chameleon changes its color to blend into its surroundings, people who’ve been taught to suppress their emotions often put on a “mask” to blend into their social situations.

I remember a dear friend of mine, let’s call him Jake. Jake was always the life of the party, always laughing, cracking jokes, and making sure everyone around him was having a good time. But when the party was over and it was just the two of us, he would grow quiet, almost distant.

At first, I thought he was just tired from all the excitement. But as I got to know him better, I realized that this jovial exterior was his way of hiding his true feelings from the world.

He had been raised in a family where showing emotions was considered a sign of weakness. So instead, he learned to put on a “happy” mask to shield his real emotions.

His story taught me that sometimes, the people who seem the happiest on the outside may be fighting battles we know nothing about.

3) They’re uncomfortable with emotional expressions

Have you ever been around someone who seems to tense up whenever the conversation takes an emotional turn? Or maybe they seem to squirm when they see someone crying or expressing strong emotions?

This discomfort around emotional expression is a common trait among those raised to suppress their emotions.

Research has shown that children who grow up in emotionally restrictive environments often struggle to navigate emotional dynamics in their adult life. They can find it difficult to process their own feelings, let alone deal with others’ emotional needs.

As adults, this can lead them to retreat from emotionally charged situations. It’s not that they lack empathy, but rather that they lack the tools to comfortably engage with these emotions.

Being aware of this can help us be more patient and understanding, knowing that their discomfort doesn’t mean they don’t care. It might just mean they’re navigating unfamiliar territory.

4) They often engage in emotional numbing

Emotional numbing is a common defense mechanism among those who were taught to suppress their feelings. It’s like a mental switch they can flip off when they feel emotions are becoming too intense to handle.

They might distract themselves with work, hobbies, or even social media. Anything to avoid sitting with their feelings and really processing them.

This doesn’t mean they’re cold or unfeeling. Quite the opposite, in fact. They might be feeling so much that they believe the only way to cope is to numb it all out.

Understanding this behavior can help us approach them with kindness and compassion, rather than judgment. And it can also remind us of the importance of teaching our children that it’s okay – even necessary – to feel and express all their emotions, not just the comfortable ones.

5) They’re masters of self-sacrifice

In my own journey, I’ve noticed that people who’ve been raised to suppress their emotions often develop a tendency to put others’ needs and feelings above their own.

I believe it’s their way of diverting attention away from their own emotional world. If they’re too busy taking care of everyone else, they won’t have time to confront their own feelings, right?

I’ve seen this in countless friends over the years. They’re always the first ones to lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on, or step in to resolve conflicts – often at the expense of their own well-being.

While it’s admirable to be selfless and caring, it’s also important for them (and for us) to remember that our feelings matter too. We all need to make space for our emotions and prioritize self-care. Because we can’t pour from an empty cup, can we?

6) They might appear overly rational

Logic and reason are fantastic tools. They help us make sense of the world, solve problems, and make decisions. But when it comes to human emotions, they might not always have all the answers.

People who’ve been brought up to hide their feelings often learn to lean heavily on their logical side. They might turn every emotional issue into a problem to be solved rather than an experience to be felt.

They analyze, dissect, rationalize – all in an effort to keep their emotions at arm’s length.

While this approach might seem efficient on the surface, it can also rob them of the richness and depth that come with truly experiencing our emotions.

7) They struggle with emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy – the ability to share our deepest feelings, fears, and hopes with another person – is a vital part of any close relationship. But for those who’ve been taught to suppress their emotions, it can feel like a high wall that’s too daunting to climb.

They might have a hard time opening up about their feelings, even to their closest friends or partners. Or they might feel uncomfortable when someone else shares their emotions with them.

It’s not that they don’t value connection or intimacy. It’s just that they’ve been conditioned to view emotions as private, even potentially dangerous territory.

Understanding this can help us approach them with more patience and empathy, while also reminding us of the importance of fostering emotional openness in our own relationships and families.

8) They’re likely to have a strong reaction to emotional displays

Those who’ve been raised to suppress their emotions often have a heightened reaction to emotional displays, whether it’s their own or others’. This might seem contradictory at first, but it actually makes perfect sense.

Imagine spending your life carefully containing your emotions, only for them to suddenly spill out. It can feel overwhelming, even terrifying. Similarly, seeing others express their feelings freely can trigger a strong response in them – from discomfort to disbelief.

The key takeaway here is that their reaction isn’t about the emotion itself but about the perceived loss of control. Understanding this can help us respond with empathy and support, rather than surprise or judgment.

Understanding is the first step towards healing

If you’ve reached this far in the article, hopefully, you’ll have gained a deeper understanding of the behaviors that reveal someone was raised to suppress their emotions.

These behaviors aren’t signs of weakness or failure. Instead, they are indications of a person’s inner battle – a struggle to reconcile with their own emotions, shaped by their upbringing.

These individuals aren’t just people who’ve learned to suppress their emotions. They’re survivors navigating through life the best way they know how.

If we can understand this, we can approach them with empathy, patience, and kindness. More importantly, we can help to create a world where everyone feels safe to express their emotions freely.

Because as Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

That acceptance starts with understanding. And understanding starts with us.