If you want your child to respect you as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 habits

There’s a world of difference between demanding respect from your child and earning it.

The difference lies in the journey.

Demanding respect often involves the use of authority, power, and sometimes, fear.

Earning respect, however, is an entirely different ball game.

It’s about showing your child through your actions and behavior what respect looks like.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, there are certain habits you might need to bid farewell to.

Yes, motherhood or fatherhood can make us slip into patterns that, although unintentional, could be detrimental in the long run.

In this article, we’ll explore seven such habits.

Remember, it’s about growing with your child, learning together and fostering a deep-seated mutual respect.

1) Too much control

In the realm of parenting, there aren’t many areas where influence is more crucial than in garnering respect from your child.

And as a parent, you might be familiar with the allure of control.

Often, we parents find ourselves in a situation where we feel the need to control every aspect of our child’s life.

This, we believe, would ensure their safety and success. But here’s the catch – too much control can backfire.

Much like the concept of social proof in sales, there’s a concept in parenting known as ‘autonomous support’.

This idea suggests that children tend to thrive when they feel that they have some control over their own lives.

Imagine your childhood: How often did you just follow along because your parents said so? How did that make you feel? There’s a good chance that it led to feelings of resentment and rebellion, not respect.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, it might be worth stepping back and giving them some room for autonomy.

It’s about guiding their choices, not dictating them.

2) The habit of not listening

Now here’s a habit that I personally had to work on.

As a parent, we often find ourselves juggling multiple tasks at once.

Between work, household chores, and managing other responsibilities, it becomes easy to fall into the habit of half-listening to our kids.

I remember my daughter once telling me about her day at school while I was cooking dinner.

I was nodding and ‘uh-huh’-ing but not really taking in what she was saying.

Then she asked me what I thought about her science project idea—I froze, realizing I hadn’t heard a word about it.

That’s when it hit me: My child was sharing her world with me, and I was missing out because I wasn’t fully present.

More than that, it made her feel like her words were not important enough to command my full attention.

So, I made a conscious effort to change that habit.

Even if it meant letting the pasta boil for an extra minute or two, I started giving her my undivided attention whenever she spoke.

The change in our relationship was almost immediate and much more profound than I expected.

She felt heard and respected, which in turn fostered more respect for me.

If you want your child to respect you as they get older, start by respecting their words now.

It can be challenging with a million things vying for your attention but remember—those dishes can wait; your child’s childhood won’t.

3) Constant criticism

In the realm of psychology, there’s something known as the ‘negativity bias’.

This essentially means that our brains are wired to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.

Now, apply this concept to parenting: If we constantly criticize our children, pointing out their mistakes more than their accomplishments, they’re likely to remember the criticism vividly.

This can lead to them feeling underappreciated and disrespected.

Children who were frequently criticized by their parents were more likely to develop issues with self-esteem and depression.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, it might be worth shifting your focus from their mistakes to their achievements.

Constructive feedback is necessary, of course, but let’s not forget to celebrate their victories too, no matter how small.

This shift in approach can do wonders in fostering respect and a positive self-image in your child.

4) Being inconsistent

Inconsistency is another habit that can hinder your child’s respect for you as they grow older.

When it comes to parenting, consistency is key.

Whether it’s about house rules, discipline, or simply following through on promises, being consistent shows your child that you mean what you say.

Imagine this scenario: You tell your child they can’t have ice cream before dinner, yet some days you allow it.

This sends mixed signals and makes your rules seem arbitrary, which can undermine their respect for you.

Being consistent not only instills a sense of security and predictability in your child’s life but also demonstrates your integrity as a parent—integrity is a cornerstone of respect.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, strive for consistency.

It’s not easy, but the pay-off in terms of their respect and trust is definitely worth it.

5) Ignoring your own flaws

A few years back, I found myself in a heated argument with my son over an issue that, in hindsight, seems trivial. In the heat of the moment, I said some things I shouldn’t have.

After cooling down, I realized my mistake but felt hesitant to apologize, fearing it might undermine my authority.

However, after much contemplation, I decided to apologize.

To my surprise, not only did he forgive me, but our bond also seemed to strengthen.

This experience taught me an invaluable lesson: We are human and we all make mistakes—it’s how we handle these mistakes that shapes us as individuals and parents.

Apologizing when you’re wrong shows your child that you’re human too and that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.

This vulnerability can build a deep sense of respect and understanding between you and your child.

6) Lack of empathy

Empathy is a powerful tool in any relationship, and parenting is no exception.

When your child is upset or struggling, it can be easy to dismiss their feelings as trivial or overblown.

After all, from an adult perspective, problems like a fight with a friend or a low grade on a test might seem insignificant.

However, to your child, these issues are as real and important as any issues you might face.

By dismissing their feelings, you’re inadvertently teaching them that their emotions are not valid or important.

On the other hand, showing empathy—validating their feelings and trying to understand their perspective—can make them feel heard and respected.

This not only strengthens your bond but also fosters respect.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, strive to show empathy towards their feelings.

7) Neglecting self-care

Here’s the crux of it all: You cannot pour from an empty cup.

As parents, we often put ourselves last, prioritizing the needs of our children and family.

While this may seem selfless and admirable, consistently neglecting our own well-being can have unintended consequences.

Your child learns from observing you.

If they see you constantly sacrificing your needs and ignoring your well-being, they might not learn to value you as an individual with needs and desires of your own.

Moreover, when you take care of yourself—physically, emotionally, and mentally—you’re better equipped to take care of others.

You’re more patient, more empathetic, and less likely to resort to unhealthy habits like those we’ve discussed above.

Show them that you respect yourself: Take care of your health, pursue your interests, set boundaries—show them that you’re not just a parent, but an individual deserving of respect.

Final thoughts: It’s all about connection

The labyrinth of parenting often intertwines with the complex world of human behavior and emotional intelligence.

A critical connection in this intricate web is the relationship between respect and our daily habits as parents.

Parenting is far from a one-size-fits-all approach—the ebb and flow of life require us to adapt, learn, and grow alongside our children.

Bidding goodbye to these seven habits isn’t about striving for perfection. It’s about creating a space where your child feels heard, valued, and respected. It’s about showing them through your own actions what respect looks like.

Whether it’s providing empathetic support, acknowledging your own flaws, or even practicing self-care—these actions silently echo in your child’s heart and mind, setting a precedent for respect.