8 things you don’t realize you do because you have an unconscious fear of commitment

When your partner suggests moving in together, you suddenly find a hundred reasons to say no.

When they talk about the future, you switch the topic. Sound familiar?

Welcome to the world of commitment fear, folks.

Often, we’re not even aware we have this fear. It lurks in our subconscious, subtly influencing our actions and decisions.

In fact, there are 8 common things you’re likely doing because of an unconscious fear of commitment.

Identifying these signs is the first step towards overcoming this fear and building a stronger, healthier relationship for yourself and your family.

After all, wouldn’t we all want to create a more secure and loving environment for our children?

So buckle up as we dive into these 8 things you may not realize you’re doing due to an unconscious fear of commitment.

1) You’re always looking for the “perfect” partner

We all have our ideal partner in mind, right?

The one who checks all the boxes, the one who’s just perfect. However, if you find yourself constantly searching for that perfect person, it might be a sign of an unconscious fear of commitment.

You see, no one is perfect. We all have flaws and imperfections.

The idea of a ‘perfect partner’ is often a creation of our subconscious mind to protect us from getting too close to anyone and thus avoiding commitment.

You might feel like you’re just being picky or have high standards.

But if this is a recurring pattern and if it’s preventing you from forming meaningful relationships, then it’s worth considering that you might be using this as a defense mechanism without even realizing it.

It’s not about settling for less, but about giving people a chance, seeing beyond their flaws, and understanding that love is about accepting each other with all our imperfections.

After all, the beauty of relationships lies in growing together, learning from each other, and building a secure foundation for our kids to thrive on. Isn’t that what we all aim for?

2) You’re always “too busy”

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I’m just too busy right now”, even when deep down you know you could make time if you really wanted to?

I’ve been there too.

I remember once a sweetheart of mine suggested we should take a weekend trip together. My immediate response was, “Oh, I’d love to but I’m swamped with work”, even though I knew I could have taken some time off.

I wasn’t deceiving him, I genuinely believed I was too busy. It took me a while to realize that I was unconsciously using my work as a shield to avoid getting too attached or committed.

Work, or any other commitments like personal projects or social engagements, can sometimes become convenient excuses that we use to maintain our distance and avoid taking our relationships to the next level.

If you’re constantly prioritizing other things over your relationship and using your busyness as a reason to not fully commit, it might be a sign that you’re subconsciously afraid of commitment.

Remember, it’s not about neglecting other aspects of your life but about creating a balance where your relationship also gets the attention and commitment it deserves.

After all, isn’t that how we build strong foundations for our families?

3) You have a history of short-term relationships

Did you know that patterns in our past relationships can often shed light on our present ones?

If your relationship history is primarily filled with short-term relationships, it might be a sign of an unconscious fear of commitment.

When commitment fears kick in, people often tend to jump from one relationship to another, never staying long enough to form a deep, meaningful bond.

It’s like constantly dipping your toes in the water but never actually diving in.

What’s happening here is not that you’re c, but rather that the fear of commitment is driving you to end things before they get too serious.

Understanding this pattern can be a game changer. It’s not about blaming yourself or feeling guilty but about recognizing the pattern and working towards breaking it.

Because at the end of the day, we all deserve to experience meaningful and lasting connections that enrich our lives and create a nurturing environment for our little ones.

4) You’re focused on the flaws

We all have quirks and idiosyncrasies. They’re what make us unique, right?

But when you start focusing excessively on your partner’s flaws – their messy habits, their peculiar taste in music, or how they can’t cook to save their life – it might not be out of simple annoyance.

In fact, this could be an unconscious way of creating emotional distance to avoid commitment. By focusing on their flaws, you might be trying to convince yourself that they’re not the right fit for you.

Here’s the thing though: everyone has flaws. And often, it’s these flaws that make us human and endearing.

In a relationship, it’s about embracing these imperfections and finding beauty in them.

Remember, we all want to create a loving environment for our kids where they learn to accept and value people for who they are, warts and all.

5) You avoid talking about the future

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” Have you ever found yourself saying this when the topic of future plans or commitments comes up?

I know I have.

It’s not that I didn’t care about the future. It’s just that the idea of making long-term plans and commitments felt intimidating, even overwhelming.

And that’s exactly what you might be doing if you’re constantly avoiding conversations about the future.

Whether it’s about moving in together, getting a pet, or even simple things like planning a vacation – if these discussions make you uncomfortable, it might be due to an unconscious fear of commitment.

Remember, it’s not about rushing into anything but about being open to the idea of a shared future. After all, isn’t that what building a family is all about?

6) You’re independent to a fault

Independence is a virtue, there’s no denying that. But there’s a fine line between being independent and being overly self-reliant.

If you find yourself always insisting on doing things alone, resisting help or support from your partner, it might not just be your independent nature shining through.

In fact, this could be an unconscious way of preventing yourself from becoming too dependent on your partner, and thus avoiding commitment.

The fear is that the more you rely on them, the harder it would be to leave if things don’t work out.

But here’s the thing: Relationships are about partnership. They’re about leaning on each other during tough times and celebrating together during the good ones.

It’s about creating a bond where you and your partner can depend on each other, providing a sense of security and stability for yourselves and your children. Because isn’t that what family is all about?

7) You feel trapped easily

Feeling claustrophobic in a relationship is more common than you might think.

If you often feel trapped or confined when things start getting serious, this could be a sign of an unconscious fear of commitment.

This fear can make you perceive commitment as a loss of freedom, as something that limits your options and holds you back.

But here’s the thing – commitment doesn’t mean giving up your freedom.

It’s about choosing to share your life with someone, while still maintaining your individuality and personal space.

Remember, in a healthy relationship, commitment provides a sense of security and stability, not confinement.

And isn’t that the kind of environment we want to create for our kids? A place where they feel secure, yet free to be who they are.

8) You’re always ready for an exit

Having an exit strategy is a smart move in business or in a risky situation. But in a relationship? It’s usually not a good sign.

If you always have one foot out the door, ready to leave at the first sign of trouble, it might be an indication of an unconscious fear of commitment.

Instead of facing issues and working through them, you might find it easier to simply walk away.

But relationships aren’t about running away at the first sign of trouble. They’re about facing challenges together, growing through them, and coming out stronger on the other side.

And that’s the kind of resilience we want to teach our kids, isn’t it? To face challenges head on and to know that it’s okay to lean on others when things get tough.

Embracing the journey towards commitment

If you’ve read through these points and recognized some of your own behaviors, don’t be disheartened.

Remember, recognizing these signs is the first step towards overcoming your fear. It’s not about judging yourself or feeling guilty.

It’s about understanding your own patterns and being kind to yourself as you navigate your way towards commitment.

The journey towards commitment isn’t always smooth. It’s filled with bumps and detours, but it’s also a journey of self-discovery and growth.

So take a moment to reflect. Listen to what your actions are telling you about your fears and embrace the journey.

After all, commitment isn’t a trap or a limitation. It’s an act of love and courage.

It’s about choosing to share your life with someone, creating a loving home for your kids, and building a future together.

And isn’t that a beautiful thing?