8 phrases passive-aggressive people use to undermine your confidence

When someone praises you, you tend to feel good about yourself. When someone openly criticizes you, it’s clear they’re upset.

But what about when the words seem kind, yet leave you feeling uneasy? You see, parenthood has taught me that not all communication is as straightforward as it seems.

Passive-aggressiveness is one such curveball. It’s a subtle art of expressing negativity while pretending to be positive. It’s like a backhanded compliment that can shake your confidence without you realizing why.

I’ve come across eight specific phrases that are common ammunition for the passive-aggressive folks out there. And understanding them is the first step towards safeguarding your self-esteem.

So let’s dive in and decode these confusing comments together.

1) “I’m just saying”

Misunderstandings are part and parcel of life, right?

We hear something, interpret it our way, and respond accordingly. But have you ever come across someone who, after delivering a zinger, adds “I’m just saying” as a casual afterthought?

It’s a classic move in the passive-aggressive playbook.

It’s their way of delivering a criticism or an unkind remark while trying to dodge any responsibility for the hurt it may cause. They pretend it’s a harmless observation when it’s anything but.

What’s worse, you’re left questioning your reaction. Was that comment as mean as you thought or are you overreacting?

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Recognizing this phrase for what it is – a veiled attack – is the first step towards taking back your confidence.

2) “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Ever heard this phrase before a not-so-nice comment? I certainly have.

It was during a family gathering. My cousin, always the joker, came up to me with a grin on his face. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” he began, “but your potato salad isn’t as good as Aunt Mary’s.”

Ouch.

This phrase is a classic passive-aggressive move. It’s like they’re preparing you for the blow that’s about to come, but in a way that makes you feel like you’re overreacting if you get upset.

The truth is, it’s okay to be upset. It’s a manipulative phrase designed to undermine your confidence while avoiding any blame for the negativity.

Recognizing it is the first step toward maintaining your self-esteem in the face of such remarks.

3) “Whatever you want”

This is a tricky one. On the surface, it sounds like the speaker is being agreeable and accommodating, right? But dig a little deeper and you’ll find it’s a classic passive-aggressive phrase.

Here’s the thing: It’s often used when the person is anything but agreeable. It’s their way of expressing disagreement or dissatisfaction without openly confronting the issue.

And psychologists have found that this kind of indirect communication can be far more damaging to relationships than direct confrontation.

“Whatever you want” can leave you feeling unheard and dismissed, subtly undermining your confidence over time. Understanding this can help you to respond effectively and maintain your self-esteem.

4) “No offense, but…”

“No offense, but…” is another phrase that passive-aggressive people love to use. It’s like they’re giving themselves a free pass to say something offensive while avoiding any backlash.

Here’s the catch: If someone has to preface their statement with “no offense,” there’s a good chance they’re about to say something that could be offensive.

When you hear this phrase, it’s important to recognize it for what it is – a veiled attempt to undermine your confidence while avoiding responsibility for the negativity.

By acknowledging this, you can prevent these words from impacting your self-esteem.

5) “I was only joking”

This is a phrase I’ve heard more times than I care to count. Someone makes a hurtful comment, sees your reaction, and quickly follows it up with an “I was only joking”.

They make it seem like you’re the one who can’t take a joke, shifting the blame from their insensitive comment onto your reaction.

In my experience, this phrase is often used to mask the true intent behind hurtful words. It’s a way for passive-aggressive people to undermine your confidence while avoiding any accountability.

Recognizing this tactic has helped me maintain my self-esteem in the face of such comments. And trust me, it can help you too.

6) “Fine.”

One word. Just one word, yet it carries so much weight when used passive-aggressively. “Fine” is often the go-to response for someone who is anything but fine.

It’s a way of expressing dissatisfaction or disagreement without openly confronting the issue. Instead of expressing their feelings, they use this monosyllabic response to shut down communication.

It can be challenging to deal with because it leaves you guessing about what they’re really feeling. But understanding this can help you navigate these situations without letting them shake your confidence.

7) “It’s up to you”

At first glance, this phrase might seem empowering, as if the person is giving you the freedom to choose.

But in passive-aggressive communication, it’s often a way of indirectly expressing resentment or dissatisfaction.

Instead of openly discussing their preferences or concerns, they put the decision entirely on you, often leading to confusion and self-doubt.

Recognizing this phrase for what it really is – a veiled expression of discontent – can help you maintain your confidence and navigate these tricky conversations effectively.

8) “I’m fine”

The mother of all passive-aggressive phrases: “I’m fine”. This one’s a classic. It’s often used when the person is far from fine, but they don’t want to openly express their feelings.

When you hear this phrase, it’s crucial to recognize it as a sign that something is amiss.

It’s a way for passive-aggressive individuals to mask their true feelings, all while undermining your confidence by leaving you guessing and second-guessing.

Breaking down this wall of “fine” can be challenging, but remember: understanding is half the battle.

Wrapping up

I hope this journey through the labyrinth of passive-aggressive phrases has been enlightening.

It’s a tricky terrain to navigate, filled with hidden traps designed to shake your confidence and leave you second-guessing.

But remember, recognizing these phrases for what they are – veiled attempts at undermining your confidence – is half the battle. The other half is refusing to let them impact your self-esteem.

Psychology tells us that the way people communicate says more about them than it does about us.

So the next time you hear one of these phrases, remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth but a reflection of their struggle with open communication.

Here’s to standing strong, maintaining our confidence, and navigating life’s subtle complexities with grace and understanding.