If your parents said these 7 phrases to you as a child, they seriously lacked empathy

There’s a world of difference between communicating effectively with your child and causing them emotional distress.

The difference lies in empathy. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is crucial in parenting.

But sometimes, without realising it, parents can say things that may lack empathy.

These phrases may seem harmless on the surface, but they can have lasting impacts on a child’s emotional development.

If your parents used these 7 phrases when you were a child, they may have seriously lacked empathy.

In this article, we’ll delve into what these phrases are and explore their potential effects.

The goal is not to point fingers but to promote understanding and foster better communication within families. Because at the end of the day, we all want to feel seen, heard, and understood by those we love most.

1) “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”

This phrase is a classic example of a lack of empathy in parenting.

Parents are humans too, and sometimes they get frustrated or overwhelmed. It’s normal.

However, using this phrase when your child is already upset sends a pretty harsh message.

Your child is expressing their feelings – they’re hurt, upset, or scared. Instead of offering comfort and understanding, this phrase threatens further punishment.

It dismisses their emotions and suggests that their feelings are not valid or important.

It’s crucial as parents to validate our children’s feelings, not belittle them.

When a child hears this phrase repeatedly, they learn to suppress their emotions, which can lead to emotional issues later in life.

Empathy is about understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings.

Next time your child is upset, try saying something like “I can see you’re really upset. Do you want to talk about what’s making you feel this way?”

This response validates their feelings and opens a line of communication, fostering a healthier emotional environment.

2) “Because I said so”

I remember hearing this phrase quite often growing up.

As a child, curiosity naturally leads to a million questions.

“Why do I have to go to bed so early?”, “Why can’t I have a cookie before dinner?”, “Why do I have to do my homework now?” The list goes on.

And invariably, the answer would often be, “Because I said so.”

This phrase, though seemingly harmless, can actually send a message that the child’s opinions and questions are not valuable or worth considering.

It shuts down any form of dialogue and simply enforces the power dynamic between parent and child.

In the long run, such an approach can stifle inquisitiveness and discourage children from questioning things around them – a trait that’s essential for personal and intellectual growth.

Now as a parent myself, I make it a point to explain my decisions to my children in a way they can understand.

For instance, if the question is about having a cookie before dinner, I might say, “Eating sweets before dinner might spoil your appetite for the healthier food your body needs to grow strong.”

By doing this, I am acknowledging their curiosity, teaching them something new and still maintaining my role as a parent.

It’s all about empathetic communication.

3) “You’re just like your [parent]”

This phrase is often used by one parent to point out a negative trait or behavior they see as being inherited from the other parent.

It may seem like a harmless way to express frustration, but it’s actually quite damaging.

Children are constantly forming their sense of self.

When they’re told they’re “just like” a parent in a negative context, it can lead to them associating parts of their identity with negativity or criticism.

Children who feel more positively about their family identity have higher self-esteem.

On the flip side, children who associate their identity with negative traits can experience lower self-esteem.

The intent behind this phrase may not be malicious, but it’s important to remember how words can impact a child’s sense of self.

Instead of comparing your child to someone else – even if that someone else is a parent – try addressing the specific behavior or trait that you find concerning and discuss it in a constructive, empathetic manner.

4) “I do everything for you”

This phrase can create a sense of guilt and indebtedness in a child.

While it’s perfectly fine for parents to remind children of the efforts they put in for their well-being, using it as a bid to gain control or compliance isn’t healthy.

Children should not feel like they owe their parents for providing for their basic needs.

This kind of statement can create an unhealthy dynamic where children feel like they constantly have to repay their parents, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem.

A more empathetic approach would be to communicate openly about responsibilities and expectations without making the child feel burdened or guilty.

For instance, saying something like “It’s important we all contribute to keeping our home clean.

Can you please help by picking up your toys?” This way, you’re teaching responsibility without creating unnecessary guilt.

5) “You’re too sensitive”

Growing up, I often heard this phrase when I was upset or bothered by something.

It made me feel like my feelings were not valid and that there was something wrong with the way I reacted to things.

This phrase can be particularly harmful because it invalidates a child’s emotional response.

Everyone has different emotional thresholds, and what may seem like an overreaction to one person may be a genuine and intense feeling for another.

Telling a child they’re too sensitive can make them doubt their own feelings and emotions, leading them to suppress their feelings in the future.

Instead of criticizing a child for being ‘too sensitive’, it’s better to acknowledge their feelings and guide them on how to manage these emotions effectively.

Now, as a parent, I try my best to remind myself that my children’s feelings are real and valid, no matter how trivial the situation might seem to me.

It’s a learning process, but one that I believe is crucial to fostering emotional intelligence in children.

6) “Wait until your father/mother gets home”

This phrase is often used as a threat, intended to instill fear and anxiety.

It places the burden of discipline on one parent and can undermine the authority of the parent who utters it.

Moreover, it creates a sense of impending doom that can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety in a child.

Instead of addressing the issue at hand immediately and effectively, it prolongs the child’s distress.

A healthier approach would be dealing with the situation immediately and in a fair manner.

This not only resolves the issue sooner but also helps the child understand that both parents are equally involved in their upbringing and that they can’t play one parent against the other.

7) “I wish you were more like your sibling”

This is perhaps one of the most damaging phrases a parent can say to a child.

Comparing a child to their sibling creates a sense of competition and can foster resentment.

Every child is unique and has their own set of strengths and weaknesses.

Comparing them to others can negatively impact their self-esteem and confidence.

Instead of comparing, it’s more beneficial to appreciate and encourage your child’s individual talents, skills, and achievements.

This fosters a sense of self-worth and helps them grow into confident, secure individuals.

Final thoughts: It’s about empathy

At the heart of all these phrases is a lack of empathy. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a cornerstone in nurturing a healthy emotional environment for children.

According to Dr. Brene Brown, renowned research professor at the University of Houston, “Empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection.”

As parents, it’s crucial to remember that behind every behavior and emotion expressed by our children lies an unspoken need or message.

Our role is not just to correct or control but to understand and guide.

The emotional health of a child is as important as their physical health.

The phrases we use in our everyday conversations may seem insignificant, but they can leave lasting impressions on a young mind.

In this journey of parenthood, let empathy be our compass. It’s never about being perfect; it’s about being present, mindful, and compassionate.

With each interaction, we have the opportunity to nurture our children’s emotional growth and foster a nurturing and empathetic environment.

The language we use today shapes the world our children will create tomorrow.