If you want to feel more appreciated by your children as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

We all yearn to feel cherished and valued, especially by our children as we age. But sometimes, certain habits we’ve picked up along our parenting journey can hinder the appreciation we seek.

This isn’t about pointing fingers or laying blame. It’s about introspection, acknowledging that as parents, we’re not always perfect. And that’s okay. But recognizing and letting go of these behaviors can make a world of difference in how our children perceive us.

In this article, I’ll discuss 7 behaviors that might be standing in the way of feeling more appreciated by your children as you grow older. Because when it comes to cultivating stronger parent-child bonds, it’s never too late to embrace change.

1) Being a perfectionist

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it propels us to strive for excellence and achieve great things. On the other hand, it can create an unrealistic standard that not only puts undue pressure on us but also on our children.

As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our kids. But when this desire turns into a relentless pursuit of perfection, it can create a gap of understanding and appreciation between us and our children.

Children often feel the weight of these expectations. And while they may respect your commitment to excellence, they might also struggle to express appreciation if they’re constantly feeling as though they’re falling short.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity. It’s about acknowledging that there’s beauty in imperfection and that it’s okay not to have all the answers all the time.

By doing this, we create a more open and understanding environment for our children. And in return, they are more likely to appreciate us, not for being perfect, but for being human – just like them.

2) Not listening actively

I learned this lesson in a rather humbling way. One day, my teenage daughter came to me, visibly upset about something.

As a parent, my immediate instinct was to jump in with solutions and advice. But halfway through my well-meaning monologue, she interrupted me with a simple request: “Mom, can you just listen?”

That moment was a wake-up call for me. I realized that while I was quick to offer advice, I wasn’t always the best at truly listening.

Active listening is more than just hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind those words. It’s about making your child feel heard and valued.

As I started consciously practicing active listening, I noticed a shift in our relationship. My daughter started opening up more and sharing her thoughts and feelings freely. And with that openness came a deeper sense of appreciation from her end.

Remember, sometimes our children don’t need solution providers; they need sounding boards. By lending an empathetic ear, we can foster an environment of mutual respect and appreciation.

3) Being too authoritative

Finding the balance between being a friend and a parent to your children can be tricky. We might think that asserting authority is the best way to enforce discipline and respect.

However, children raised in overly strict or authoritarian environments often feel less connected to their parents.

A study found that children who grow up with authoritative parents tend to develop more emotional and behavioral problems. This can create a barrier that makes it difficult for them to express appreciation towards their parents.

It’s crucial to establish rules and boundaries, but it’s equally important to foster an environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings. This balance can pave the way for a stronger relationship with a higher level of mutual respect and appreciation.

4) Overprotecting

As parents, our natural instinct is to shield our children from any harm or discomfort. However, being overly protective can sometimes do more harm than good.

Overprotection can limit a child’s potential for growth, making it harder for them to navigate life’s challenges independently. This might induce feelings of frustration and resentment over time, which could overshadow the appreciation they have for you.

Allowing your children to experience setbacks and learn from their mistakes can help them develop resilience and problem-solving skills. It shows them that you trust their judgment and capability, which in turn can foster a deeper sense of appreciation for your parenting style as they mature.

5) Not practicing what you preach

I’ve always believed in the importance of honesty and integrity. But there was a time when I realized I wasn’t entirely living up to these values.

I would tell my kids about the importance of healthy eating, all while sneaking in a few too many cookies myself late at night. I would preach about the value of time management, but often found myself scrambling to meet deadlines.

My actions were not aligning with my words, and it wasn’t long before my kids started noticing the discrepancy.

Once I acknowledged this inconsistency and made a conscious effort to align my actions with my words, I noticed a change. My children started taking my advice more seriously and their respect for me grew. They started appreciating me more not just as a parent, but also as an individual who walks the talk.

Remember, our actions often speak louder than our words. When we embody the values we wish to impart to our children, they’re more likely to appreciate and respect us.

6) Neglecting self-care

Self-care is often seen as a luxury, especially for busy parents. We tend to prioritize the needs of our children over our own, which while admirable, can sometimes backfire.

When we neglect our own needs, it can lead to burnout and affect our ability to parent effectively. This could inadvertently create an environment of stress and tension.

By prioritizing self-care, we not only ensure our own well-being but also set a positive example for our children.

It teaches them the importance of personal well-being and boundaries. And when they see us at our best – happy, healthy, and balanced – they are more likely to appreciate us and the efforts we put into parenting.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for both you and your children.

7) Failing to express your own appreciation

One of the most powerful ways to feel more appreciated by your children is by expressing your own appreciation towards them.

When we regularly acknowledge our children for who they are and appreciate them for their efforts, we not only boost their confidence but also model the behavior we would like to see in return.

Expressing appreciation creates a mutual exchange of respect and admiration. It builds a positive family culture where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.

Never underestimate the power of a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I’m proud of you’. These words can go a long way in fostering a deeper bond and sense of appreciation between you and your children.

In conclusion: It’s about growth and understanding

The journey of parenthood is an ongoing learning curve, filled with trials, triumphs, and plenty of opportunities for growth.

When it comes to feeling more appreciated by your children as you age, it’s essential to remember that the process involves mutual respect and understanding. Just as we evolve and grow over time, so do our children.

The behaviors we’ve discussed aren’t necessarily “bad” or “wrong”. They are simply behaviors that, when adjusted, could pave the way for a deeper connection and appreciation between you and your children.

Letting go of perfectionism, actively listening, striking a balance in authority, allowing room for mistakes, aligning your actions with your words, prioritizing self-care and expressing appreciation – these are not just strategies but powerful tools of transformation.

As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.” Your personal journey towards fostering more appreciation from your children could resonate far beyond your family unit.

It could influence other relationships in your life and inspire others on their own parenting journey.

Remember, change begins with self-awareness. And the first step towards feeling more appreciated is recognizing that we are all works in progress – continually learning, growing, and evolving in our parenting journey.