7 behaviors of people who overthink compliments instead of just accepting them, according to psychology

Taking a compliment gracefully is a skill some of us seem to lack. Instead, we end up overthinking it, dissecting the words and their hidden meanings.

Hello there, I’m your friendly neighborhood mom who’s been through the wringer of parenthood and emerged, sometimes, with a smile. Today, I want to chat about how we respond to compliments.

Diving into the realm of psychology, we’ll explore seven behaviors that highlight our tendency to over-analyze praise instead of just accepting it. This isn’t about parenting per se, but about how we, as individuals, process positive reinforcement.

These insights might just help you navigate your own reactions and make your parenting journey a tad bit smoother. Because let’s face it, who doesn’t need an extra dose of positivity?

Now, let’s start unraveling the mystery behind our complicated relationship with compliments.

1) Over-analyzing the compliment

We’ve all been there, receiving a compliment and instead of saying a simple thank you, our minds start racing. Analyzing what was said, how it was said, and why it was said. This overthinking can be traced back to our insecurities and fear of judgment.

As Carl Jung, the eminent Swiss psychologist once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” This rings particularly true in this context. Our reaction to compliments often mirrors our own insecurities and self-perception.

Next time you find your mind spiraling when given a compliment, take a moment. Remind yourself that the compliment is a positive gesture, meant to uplift and not to criticize.

Understanding this behavior will help you navigate not only your own reactions but also your interactions with others, including your children. After all, we are their role models, teaching them how to receive praise graciously and confidently.

2) Creating hidden meanings

This is something I used to experience frequently myself. I’d receive a compliment and instead of accepting it, I’d find myself fabricating hidden meanings behind it. A simple “You look nice today” would turn into “What, so I don’t usually look nice?”

As the well-known psychologist Sigmund Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” Not every compliment has a sinister undertone or hidden meaning. Sometimes, people are just genuinely trying to be nice and appreciative.

Over time, I’ve learned to take compliments at face value and it’s made a world of difference in how I see myself and interact with others. It’s something I’m now teaching my kids too, showing them that sometimes, a compliment really is just a compliment.

3) Doubting the sincerity

Ever heard a compliment and immediately questioned the sincerity behind it? That’s another common behavior. “They’re just being polite,” or “They don’t really mean it,” are frequent thoughts that come to mind.

I think Albert Ellis, a renowned psychologist and psychotherapist, hit the nail on the head when he said, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” This can be applied to self-love too. Accepting compliments is an act of love towards ourselves and it requires persistence to overcome our doubts.

It’s a raw truth that many of us grapple with – doubting the sincerity of compliments we receive. But remember, accepting a kind word from others is also about trusting their intentions and their words. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one well worth embarking on.

4) Shunning the spotlight

Some of us simply struggle with being the center of attention, even for a moment. A compliment can feel like a spotlight turned on us, making us squirm with discomfort.

According to psychology, people with low self-esteem often feel uncomfortable when receiving compliments because it brings them into focus. They may feel unworthy of the praise or fear that they will not live up to the expectations set by the compliment.

This can be a difficult habit to break, but acknowledging it is the first step towards accepting compliments with grace and gratitude. By recognizing this behavior, we can work towards embracing the positive reinforcement compliments provide, rather than shying away from them.

5) Deflecting the praise

“I didn’t do anything special” or “Anyone could have done it” – sounds familiar? Deflecting praise is another common response to compliments. I know because I’ve done it myself on numerous occasions.

The journey towards accepting compliments starts with self-awareness. Recognize your achievements and own them. It’s not about boasting, but about acknowledging your worth and the value you bring. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, and one I hope to pass on to my children.

6) Believing it’s too good to be true

Here’s a counterintuitive one: sometimes, we overthink compliments because they’re too positive. It feels like they’re too good to be true, and we start doubting their validity.

Psychologist Martin Seligman, known for his work on learned helplessness and optimism, once said, “When we take time to notice the things that go right – it means we’re getting a lot of little rewards throughout the day.” Compliments are one of those ‘things that go right’.

But when we question them because they seem too good to be true, we rob ourselves of these little rewards. It’s important to remind ourselves that we are deserving of praise and positivity, just as much as anyone else.

7) Fear of arrogance

The fear of appearing arrogant can often make us overthink compliments. We downplay our achievements to avoid seeming boastful.  Accepting compliments with grace is a learning process and doesn’t equate to arrogance.

Remember, it’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments. It’s not arrogance, it’s self-recognition.

Final thoughts

The dance between receiving compliments and our reactions to them is a fascinating aspect of human behavior.

Our tendency to overthink compliments, to dissect and doubt them, has deep roots in our perception of ourselves and the world around us. These behaviors, while seemingly small, can often hinder our ability to fully embrace positivity and appreciation.

But remember, change begins with awareness. By recognizing these behaviors in ourselves, we start a journey of self-improvement. A journey that may not only change how we react to compliments, but also how we view ourselves.

As we navigate this path, let’s strive to accept compliments with grace, believing in their sincerity and the value they add to our lives. It’s a small step towards a more positive self-perception, a step that could make all the difference.

After all, who doesn’t need an extra dose of positivity?