Misunderstood or selfish? 10 signs that might indicate you’re not as considerate as you think

Being considerate is often mistaken for grand, sweeping gestures.

But if you ask me, the real test lies in the little things—remembering someone’s favorite coffee order, pausing to really listen, or simply acknowledging when you’ve hurt someone.

Still, even with the best intentions, we can all have blind spots.

Sometimes, what feels like being direct or efficient to us might come across as thoughtless to someone else. It’s not always selfishness; it’s often just a lack of awareness.

In this article, I’ll share ten subtle signs that you might not be as considerate as you think. After all, who doesn’t want to leave people feeling more seen, heard, and appreciated?

1) Always the center of attention

Have you ever noticed that most of your conversations revolve around you and your experiences?

Self-centeredness is a common sign of inconsideration. It’s not always easy to spot, especially if we’re used to being the ones doing the talking.

Conversation is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking.

If you find yourself dominating conversations, never asking others about their experiences or feelings, it could be a sign that you’re not being as considerate as you think.

Take a step back and reflect. It’s never too late to learn the art of active listening and make others feel seen and heard.

2) Not noticing the small things

I can recall a time when I was so wrapped up in my own world, I completely failed to notice my friend was going through a tough time.

She had been dropping subtle hints about feeling down, but I was so consumed with my own issues that I just didn’t pick up on them.

When she finally told me what was going on, I felt terrible. How could I have missed something so important?

This experience was a wake-up call for me. I realized that being considerate isn’t just about being polite or saying the right words, it’s about being attentive and noticing the small things.

If you’re often missing these cues, it might be a sign that you’re not as considerate as you think. Now and then, we need to try to take a step back from our own world and tune into the needs and feelings of those around us.

3) Always expecting the worst

Did you know that constant negativity can be a sign of being inconsiderate? It’s true.

When we’re always expecting the worst, we can unintentionally bring down the mood and energy of those around us. This can be exhausting for our friends and family, who might feel like they have to constantly reassure us or lift our spirits.

Being considerate involves understanding the impact our attitude has on others. It means striving to be positive, or at least neutral, in our interactions, even when we’re going through tough times.

If you find yourself always expecting the worst and spreading negativity, it might be a sign that you need to work on your consideration for others.

4) Ignoring boundaries

Boundaries are fundamental in any relationship. They help to ensure that everyone involved feels respected and comfortable.

However, if you find yourself frequently stepping on the toes of others, disregarding their personal space or overstepping their boundaries, it’s a clear sign of inconsideration.

Being considerate means respecting other people’s boundaries and understanding that everyone has different comfort levels.

It’s important to ask for permission, respect privacy, and understand that ‘no’ means ‘no.’

If these aren’t things you’re mindful of, it might be time for some introspection.

5) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental aspect of being considerate.

If you often find yourself unable to connect emotionally with others or dismiss their feelings as unimportant, this could be an indication of a lack of consideration.

It’s not about agreeing with everyone’s feelings, but about understanding where they’re coming from.

Being considerate means acknowledging people’s emotions, validating their feelings, and offering support when needed. If empathy doesn’t come naturally to you, it might be worth working on this aspect of your interactions with others.

6) Always in a hurry

In this fast-paced world, we’re often rushing from one task to the next. But in our haste, we can inadvertently overlook the feelings and needs of those around us.

I’ve seen relationships strain and friendships falter because of this constant rush. It’s heartbreaking to witness.

Consideration means taking the time to slow down, to truly be present with those around us. It means valuing the quality of our interactions over the quantity of tasks we can complete.

If you’re always in a hurry, it might be time to take a breath and reassess.

Are you giving the people in your life the time and attention they deserve? Or are you letting your fast-paced life get in the way of being truly considerate?

7) Not acknowledging your mistakes

I remember a time when I made a significant mistake at work.

My initial instinct was to defend myself, to shift the blame, to do anything but admit I was wrong.

But as I reflected on the situation, I realized that this instinct was not just damaging my professional reputation, it was also an inconsiderate way to behave.

Acknowledging our mistakes is a crucial part of being considerate. It shows respect for the truth and for the people affected by our actions. It also gives us room to grow and learn.

If you struggle with admitting when you’re wrong, it might be a sign you’re not as considerate as you think. Everyone makes mistakes – it’s how we handle them that defines us.

8) Always saying ‘yes’

You might think that agreeing to everything and never saying ‘no’ makes you a considerate person. But that’s not always the case.

Consistently saying ‘yes’, even when it’s at the expense of your wellbeing or goes against your values, can lead to resentment and burnout.

Moreover, it can set unrealistic expectations for others who may come to depend on your constant availability.

Being considerate involves understanding and respecting not just the boundaries of others, but also your own. It’s crucial to know when to say ‘no’ and do so in a respectful way.

So if you’re a chronic people-pleaser, it might be time to reconsider whether you’re truly being considerate or simply avoiding conflict.

9) Not giving credit where it’s due

We all like to be recognized for our efforts. It’s a basic human desire to feel appreciated.

However, if you’re the type who takes credit for others’ ideas or fails to acknowledge the contributions of those around you, this could be a sign of inconsideration.

Being considerate involves recognizing and appreciating others’ efforts and contributions. It means giving credit where it’s due and making others feel valued.

If you’re not doing this, it might be time to start showing more appreciation for the people in your life.

A little recognition can go a long way!

10) Lack of gratitude

Gratitude is at the heart of being considerate. It means appreciating the people around you, and the things they do for you, big or small.

If you rarely express appreciation or take others for granted, this is a clear sign of inconsideration.

It’s essential to regularly express gratitude, not just because it’s polite, but because it fosters positivity and strengthens relationships.

Showing gratitude isn’t limited to saying ‘thank you.’ It means genuinely appreciating the people in your life and letting them know it.

Final thoughts

Being considerate isn’t something you tick off a to-do list—it’s a practice.

It’s about those tiny, everyday choices to listen, acknowledge, and show up with intention. And the truth is, we all slip up sometimes.

What matters is noticing when we do and taking steps to recalibrate.

Consideration means stepping out of your own head and into someone else’s experience, even if just for a moment. A pause before speaking, a “thank you” when it’s least expected, or a heartfelt apology when it’s needed most—these are the things that stick.

As you go about your day, think about how your actions might ripple out to others.

Sometimes, all it takes is a little more thoughtfulness to turn a simple interaction into something meaningful. Because at the end of the day, being considerate isn’t just kindness—it’s creating spaces where everyone feels valued.