I always paid for our dates because he said he was ‘saving money’—10 signs I was being too nice for my own good

I still catch myself cringing when I think about how many times I reached for my wallet on dates, telling myself it was fine because he was “saving money.”

I thought I was being supportive—understanding, even. But deep down, I always felt a little uneasy, like I was brushing off something I didn’t want to confront.

Now, when I look back, I can see it wasn’t just about the money. It was the pattern of me giving too much and expecting so little in return.

I regret how often I dismissed my own feelings to keep things smooth between us, convincing myself it was just what a nice person does.

If you’ve ever found yourself in that gray area of being kind but feeling taken for granted, you’re not alone.

Here are 10 signs I noticed when I was being too nice for my own good—and how they taught me the importance of drawing the line.

1) Always picking up the tab

Let’s start with the most obvious sign – always paying for everything.

It’s one thing to treat your partner every now and then, but if you’re constantly footing the bill because they’re ‘saving money’, it can be a sign that you’re being too nice.

Sure, it feels good to be generous. But when generosity becomes a one-way street, it can quickly turn into a situation where you’re being taken advantage of.

Relationships are a balance of give and take. It’s not solely your responsibility to support your partner financially.

If they’re always short on cash or ‘saving’ for vague reasons, it might be time to have a conversation about financial expectations in your relationship.

Don’t let kindness cloud your judgment. It’s perfectly okay to split the check or alternate who pays on dates.

2) Excuses started to become a norm

Another red flag I noticed was the frequency of excuses.

In the beginning, I didn’t think much of his ‘saving money’ excuse. I admired his financial prudence and thought he was being responsible.

After all, who doesn’t want a partner who’s financially responsible?

But as time went on, this ‘saving money’ excuse started showing up in other areas too. He’d opt out of social events, citing the need to save. He’d decline to contribute to shared expenses, again, because he was ‘saving’.

One particular incident still rings clear in my mind. It was my birthday, and we had planned a small get-together with friends. He showed up without a gift, again citing his need to save money. That’s when it hit me – this wasn’t about saving money anymore; it was simply an excuse.

It was a wake-up call that made me realize that I was enabling his behavior by not setting clear boundaries and expectations.

It wasn’t about the gift—it was the lack of effort and thoughtfulness that bothered me. It became clear that I was being too nice for my own good.

3) Feeling unappreciated

Being overly nice often leads to one feeling unappreciated, and that’s exactly what happened to me.

I was always there for him, always picking up the slack, always trying to make things easier for him. But despite all my efforts, I never felt appreciated.

Instead, it seemed like my actions were expected, taken for granted.

Psychologists have found that feeling unappreciated is one of the key factors leading to resentment in relationships. Resentment grows when one partner feels they’re giving more than they’re receiving.

4) Constant justification of their actions

This one is a biggie. If you’re constantly finding yourself justifying their actions or making excuses for them, it’s a clear sign you might be too nice for your own good.

I found myself doing this quite often. Whenever friends or family pointed out that he wasn’t pulling his weight financially, I would jump to his defense, explaining his ‘saving money’ mantra.

But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I was spending my time and energy defending his behavior instead of addressing the issue.

In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t have to constantly justify your partner’s actions or behavior. If you find yourself in this position, it might be time to reassess and set some boundaries.

5) Your needs are often overlooked

When you’re being too nice, it’s easy for your own needs to be overlooked.

I remember feeling like my desires and needs were always on the back burner. Whether it was choosing a restaurant for dinner or deciding on a weekend activity, his preferences always seemed to take precedence.

It was subtle at first, but over time I realized that my wants and needs were hardly ever considered. I found myself constantly compromising and prioritizing his needs over mine.

Relationships should be balanced, with both partners’ needs being given equal consideration.

6) You start to lose yourself

This might be the most difficult sign to accept.

When you’re always putting someone else first, you start to lose sight of who you are as an individual.

I remember looking in the mirror one day and realizing I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become so consumed with pleasing him, protecting his narratives, that I’d forgotten about my own dreams, aspirations, and values.

I was constantly making sacrifices for his comfort, diminishing my own happiness in the process. It was a heartbreaking realization.

Your dreams, your happiness, and your well-being are just as important and should never be compromised.

7) Feeling emotionally drained

What started as a simple act of kindness – paying for our dates – slowly turned into an emotional burden. I was constantly anxious about money, feeling the financial strain of supporting both of us.

Yet, I felt guilty if I ever considered asking him to contribute or split the bill. I was stuck in this cycle of stress and guilt, and it was draining me emotionally.

I remember nights where I would lay awake, worrying about how to maintain this financial pattern without jeopardizing my own savings. The emotional exhaustion was real and intense.

If you’re feeling emotionally drained from constantly giving and not receiving, it’s a telling sign that you’re being too nice for your own good. A healthy relationship should bring joy, not constant stress or anxiety.

8) You’re always the peacekeeper

Keeping the peace is generally a good thing, right? Well, not always.

I found myself constantly playing the role of the peacekeeper in our relationship. Anytime there was a hint of disagreement or conflict, I would immediately back down and let him have his way just to avoid an argument.

At first, I thought this was me being mature and avoiding unnecessary drama. But over time, I realized that I was suppressing my own feelings and opinions just to keep the peace.

If you’re always the one stepping back and allowing your partner to have their way just to avoid conflict, it might not be as harmonious as it seems.

9) You’re always the one apologizing

Apologizing when you’re wrong is a sign of maturity. But what happens when you’re always the one saying sorry, even when it’s not your fault?

This was a pattern I fell into. Whether it was a disagreement about finances or a misunderstanding over plans, I would find myself apologizing just to smooth things over.

But here’s the thing: constantly saying sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong undervalues your feelings and opinions. It can also enable the other person’s behavior and create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

10) You feel taken for granted

This is perhaps the most telling sign that you’re being too nice for your own good – feeling taken for granted.

I felt this deeply. Despite all my efforts, all my sacrifices, it seemed like he just expected me to continue supporting him financially. I felt undervalued and unappreciated.

Feeling taken for granted is a clear indication that the balance in your relationship has tipped. It’s a wake-up call, telling you that it’s time to reconsider your boundaries and expectations in the relationship.

Final thoughts

Becoming too nice doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow process, starting with small compromises, like paying for dinner or excusing questionable behavior.

But before you know it, you’re emotionally drained, feeling unappreciated, and wondering how things got so out of balance.

For me, it was the realization that my own needs and feelings were constantly taking a back seat. I thought I was being supportive, but what I was really doing was erasing myself to keep the peace.

If these signs resonate with you, it’s time to pause and ask yourself: is this kindness or self-neglect?

You’re allowed to set boundaries. You’re allowed to say no.

And most importantly, you’re allowed to love yourself as much as you love your partner. Because the right relationship will never ask you to shrink who you are to make someone else comfortable.