10 signs he doesn’t love you (he only loves using you)

Navigating love can be a tricky business, especially when you’re not sure where you stand.

It’s heartbreaking to think that someone you love might not love you back, but only sees you as a means to an end.

The worst part? They may not even realize they’re doing it.

But how can you tell if he truly loves you, or if he’s just using you? There are some telltale signs that can help you figure it out.

In this article, I’ll share 10 signs that he doesn’t love you, he only loves using you. This isn’t about accusations; it’s about giving you the knowledge to make informed decisions about your relationship.

1) He only contacts you when he needs something

We all have those friends who only seem to remember our number when they need a favor. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

Now, imagine that person is your partner.

If he only seems to call or text you when he needs something – be it a ride, a loan, or just someone to vent to – then it might be time to take a step back.

Real love isn’t about convenience or using someone as a sounding board. It’s about wanting to spend time with the person, caring about their well-being, and being interested in their life.

So if he only seems to reach out when he needs something, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you – he just loves using you.

You’re worth more than just being someone’s backup plan or personal ATM. Love is about mutual respect and genuine care for each other.

2) He doesn’t show interest in your life

I remember dating this guy once, let’s call him Tom. Tom always seemed to have a lot to say about his life, his interests, his dreams. He was always eager to share his world with me.

But when it came to my life? There was a striking lack of interest. He never asked about my day or how I was feeling. He never cared to know what I liked or what my dreams were.

At first, I thought maybe he was just shy or bad at communication. But as time went on, I realized Tom wasn’t really interested in me – just in what I could do for him.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it taught me an important lesson: if he doesn’t show genuine interest in your life, your dreams, your feelings, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

A relationship is a two-way street. You deserve someone who is as interested in you as you are in them.

3) He doesn’t take your feelings into account

In psychology, there’s a term called emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to understand and manage not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others. This is a key factor in successful relationships.

If your partner continually disregards your feelings, especially when making decisions that affect you both, it may indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. In more layman’s terms, he might not really love you, but rather, he loves using you.

Love should involve empathy and understanding. When someone truly loves you, they care about how their actions make you feel and take your feelings into account when making decisions.

If you find that he isn’t doing this, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. You deserve someone who values and respects your feelings as much as their own.

4) He takes more than he gives

A relationship is a partnership. It’s about give and take, not just take, take, take.

If you find yourself constantly giving – your time, your energy, your resources – and getting little in return, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t love you; he just loves using you.

True love is about balance. It’s about both partners contributing to the relationship in their own ways.

If you feel like you’re always the one making sacrifices or compromises, it might be time to reassess things. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued and appreciated, not one where you feel used and taken for granted.

5) He’s never there when you need him

It’s in times of need when we truly discover who our allies are. This holds true in romantic relationships as well.

If he’s always too busy or has an excuse whenever you need him, it could be a sign that he doesn’t really love you, he just loves using you.

Whether it’s lending an ear when you’ve had a bad day or being there to support you through tough times, a loving partner will make the effort to be there for you.

But if he’s nowhere to be found in your time of need, it’s time to question his intentions. You deserve a partner who is present, supportive, and reliable – not one who disappears when things get tough.

6) He doesn’t make you feel loved

There’s a feeling that comes with being truly loved. It’s like a warm, comforting blanket wrapped around you. It makes you feel safe, cherished, and valued.

If you’re constantly questioning whether he loves you or not, chances are, he doesn’t. Love isn’t meant to be a guessing game.

When someone loves you, they’ll show it in their actions, their words, and the way they treat you. They won’t leave you guessing or questioning your worth.

If you’re not feeling this warmth, if you’re not feeling cherished or valued, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you – he only loves using you.

Love should make you feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel loved and appreciated for who you are.

7) He pushes your boundaries

I’ve always been someone who values my personal space and boundaries. And it was a lesson I learned the hard way when someone I cared about kept crossing those lines.

If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, whether they’re physical, emotional, or mental, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t truly love you – he just loves using you.

Love is about respect, and respect includes honoring the other person’s boundaries. If he’s constantly pushing them or dismissing them as unimportant, it’s time to rethink your relationship.

You deserve to be with someone who respects you and your boundaries. Don’t settle for less.

8) He showers you with extravagant gifts

On the surface, receiving lavish presents from your partner might seem like a sign of love. But sometimes, it’s quite the opposite.

If he’s always giving you expensive gifts but doesn’t invest time in understanding you or nurturing the relationship, it might be a sign that he doesn’t really love you – he just loves using you.

Gifts can sometimes be used as a smokescreen to hide a lack of emotional investment or to make up for bad behavior. True love is about more than material things; it’s about emotional connection, understanding, and mutual respect.

If he tends to “buy” your affection rather than earning it through genuine care and understanding, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship.

9) He doesn’t include you in his future plans

When two people are truly in love, they often envision a shared future together. It’s a natural part of being in a deep, committed relationship.

But if he’s making plans for the future – be it next month, next year, or five years down the line – and you’re not included in them, it could be a sign that he doesn’t really love you. He may simply love using you for the present moment.

A loving partner sees you as an integral part of their future. They talk about plans with “we” and “us,” not just “I” and “me.”

If you constantly find yourself left out of his future plans, it might be time to reconsider where your relationship is headed. You deserve to be with someone who sees you as part of their future.

10) You don’t feel happy

At the end of the day, the most telling sign that he doesn’t love you, but only loves using you, is your own happiness.

If you’re constantly feeling down, anxious, or unfulfilled in the relationship, it’s a clear sign that something’s not right.

Love should bring joy, comfort, and a sense of mutual understanding. It shouldn’t leave you feeling drained or unhappy.

Listen to your feelings. They’ll often tell you what you need to know. Trust in your own worth and never settle for a love that doesn’t make you truly happy.

Final thoughts: You’re worth it

At the heart of this discussion lies an undeniable truth – your worth.

Whether it’s in a romantic relationship or any other aspect of life, recognizing your worth is paramount. Each one of us deserves love, respect, and happiness.

As renowned author and speaker Brene Brown often emphasizes, “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

If you’re experiencing these signs in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate. It might be hard, it might be painful, but remember that you’re worth more than being used or taken for granted.

Listen to your feelings, trust in your worth, and never settle for anything less than a love that makes you feel valued, respected, and happy.

That’s not just relationship advice – it’s a life lesson.