7 signs someone isn’t actually a good person, even if they seem kind on the surface

“Being a good person” isn’t always as straightforward as it seems.

We’ve all met someone who, on the surface, radiates kindness and positivity. They say the right things, they’re always there when you need them, and they just seem to have this magnetic charm that draws people in.

But here’s something to ponder.

Sometimes, what glitters isn’t always gold. Beneath that kind exterior, there could be signs that this person may not be as good-hearted as they appear to be. I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s crucial to keep our eyes open for these subtle signs.

So let’s delve into this.

I’m going to share with you seven signs that someone isn’t actually a good person, even if they seem kind on the surface. These might not be the most comfortable truths, but acknowledging them could save you from unnecessary heartaches later.

Remember, when it comes to relationships – whether it’s with friends, family, or your kids – transparency and genuine goodness matter more than an appealing facade.

1) They’re inconsistent

Inconsistency can be a tell-tale sign that someone isn’t as good as they seem.

Here’s what I mean.

One day, they’re all sunshine and rainbows, laughing at your jokes and supporting your ideas. The next day, they’re distant, dismissive, and inexplicably aloof.

And you can’t help but wonder – what changed?

But the reality is, genuine people are consistent. They don’t flip a switch based on their mood or convenience. Instead, they remain steady in their behavior towards you, regardless of the circumstances.

So if you find yourself dealing with a person whose actions and attitudes frequently fluctuate without explanation, it might be time to reevaluate their genuineness. After all, true kindness is not a part-time job.

2) They only show kindness when they want something

I’ll never forget a friend I once had in college.

She was the life of the party, always kind and cheerful. She’d often do small favors for me – picking up my coffee order, giving me a lift to class, you name it.

But over time, I started noticing a pattern.

She was only ever this nice when she needed something from me. Whether it was helping with a term paper or borrowing my notes, her acts of kindness always seemed to coincide with a favor she needed.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I eventually realized that her kindness came with strings attached. It wasn’t genuine – it was transactional.

That’s another sign to watch out for. Genuine goodness doesn’t come with an underlying agenda. Real kindness is selfless and unconditional.

If someone’s good deeds always seem to be followed by requests or favors, you might want to take a step back and reassess their true intentions.

3) They downplay your achievements

You know that feeling when you’ve accomplished something big, and you just can’t wait to share it with your circle?

And then there’s that one person who, instead of celebrating with you, subtly tries to belittle your achievement. Maybe they compare it to someone else’s bigger accomplishment or subtly steer the conversation towards their own successes.

That’s a sign right there.

A truly good person lifts others up. They rejoice in your achievements and celebrate your victories with you, no matter how big or small. They don’t feel the need to overshadow your moment or turn the spotlight onto themselves.

So if someone can’t seem to let you enjoy your moment without trying to downplay it or shift attention elsewhere, they may not be as good-hearted as they initially seem.

4) They rarely apologize

We all make mistakes, it’s part of being human.

But have you ever encountered someone who, even when clearly in the wrong, refuses to apologize?

Instead, they might deflect the issue, place the blame on others, or simply brush it off like it was nothing.

This could be a sign of a deeper issue.

A truly good person has the humility to admit when they’ve messed up. They understand that saying sorry isn’t a sign of weakness but a mark of respect towards the person they’ve wronged.

If someone can’t seem to utter that simple, yet powerful word ‘sorry’ when they’ve clearly stepped out of line, it might be time to question their true character.

Genuine kindness comes with a dose of humility and respect for others.

5) They are quick to judge others

Listen to how someone talks about others. It can speak volumes about their character.

If they’re constantly making snap judgments or negative comments about people, it could be a red flag.

Interestingly, a study conducted by the University of Waterloo found that people who have a tendency to judge others harshly are often unhappy themselves. They may project their insecurities and personal issues onto others as a coping mechanism.

A genuinely good person understands that everyone has their own battles and chooses empathy over judgment. They don’t feel the need to bring others down to feel better about themselves.

So if someone seems to revel in criticizing others, it might be time to reconsider their true nature. Real kindness includes an open mind and a forgiving heart.

6) They lack empathy

Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others – is a key trait of a good person.

I remember a time when a close friend was going through a rough patch. She was dealing with a lot of personal issues and was visibly distressed.

One person in our circle, however, seemed oblivious to her pain. They went on with their usual cheerful demeanor, ignoring the clear signs that our friend was hurting.

This lack of empathy was a huge red flag.

A genuinely good person has the ability to put themselves in another’s shoes, to feel their pain, and offer comfort. They don’t dismiss or ignore someone’s emotions but rather acknowledge them and provide support.

If someone can’t show empathy when it’s needed most, it might be a sign that they aren’t as kind-hearted as they appear. True kindness involves understanding and compassion for others’ feelings.

7) They are manipulative

This is perhaps one of the most significant signs – manipulation.

Manipulative people have a knack for twisting situations and conversations to suit their needs. They can make you question your own judgment, make you feel guilty when you shouldn’t, or make you believe that you owe them something.

A genuinely good person doesn’t resort to manipulation. They don’t use your emotions against you or try to control you for their benefit.

So if someone always seems to have a way of making things go their way, at the expense of your feelings or wellbeing, it’s a strong sign they might not be the good person they present themselves to be.

Genuine kindness never involves taking advantage of others.

Reflecting on the journey

Recognizing these signs in someone isn’t about judgment, it’s about self-awareness and setting healthy boundaries.

Remember, no one is perfect, and we all have moments where we might display less-than-ideal traits. The difference lies in recognizing them and striving for growth.

If you’ve identified these signs in someone close to you, take a deep breath. It doesn’t mean you have to cut ties immediately. Instead, consider it an opportunity for a conversation, a chance to set boundaries, or at the very least, a moment of self-reflection.

On the other hand, if you’ve recognized some of these signs in yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all works in progress. The key is to acknowledge these traits and actively work towards becoming a better person.

As American poet Maya Angelou wisely said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

Life is a journey of constant learning and growth. So let’s continue to strive for genuine kindness, not just in how we treat others but also in how we view and treat ourselves.