If you want to maintain a strong bond with your adult children, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Navigating the world of parenthood can be tricky, especially when your little ones grow up and become adults themselves. Maintaining a strong bond with your adult children requires a shift in perspective and sometimes, a change in behavior.

There are certain behaviors you might need to say goodbye to, if you want to keep that bond strong and healthy. And let me tell you, it’s not always easy.

But don’t worry, I’ve identified seven key behaviors that you might need to ditch. Being aware of them is the first step towards fostering a fulfilling relationship with your grown-up kids.

Get ready for some honest insights and remember, parenting, at any stage, is a journey of learning and growing together. Let’s dive in!

1) Overstepping boundaries

As your children mature into adulthood, they begin to establish their own lives, make their own decisions, and set their own boundaries. It’s a natural part of growing up.

However, it can be challenging for us parents to adjust. After years of being in charge and making decisions for them, it’s easy to unintentionally overstep these newly established boundaries.

This might look like offering unsolicited advice, interfering in their relationships or decisions, or expecting them to always be available for family gatherings. While we might think we’re helping or showing love, it can often feel intrusive to them.

Respecting your adult child’s boundaries is crucial in maintaining a strong bond with them. It shows that you respect them as independent adults who are capable of making their own decisions.

It’s not about distancing yourself, but rather about giving them the space they need to grow and thrive as adults. This respectful distance can actually bring you closer in the long run.

2) Expecting them to be your version of perfect

I remember when my son was getting ready to go off to college. I had a clear vision of what I wanted him to study, where I wanted him to go, and what kind of career I hoped he would pursue. But my son had different ideas.

He wanted to study art and had dreams of becoming a graphic designer. Initially, I struggled with this. I couldn’t help but think about the financial stability and the prestige that came with the career path I had envisioned for him.

But then I realized something significant: it was his life, not mine.

The expectation of him living up to my version of perfect was not fair. It was putting unnecessary pressure on him and causing tension between us.

So, I decided to let go of my expectations and instead, support his dreams and aspirations. It was one of the best parenting decisions I’ve ever made. Today, he’s a successful graphic designer and we share a strong, healthy bond.

Our children are individuals with their own paths to follow. Letting them be true to themselves not only encourages their personal growth but also strengthens your relationship with them.

3) Neglecting to listen

Communication is a two-way street. In any conversation, listening is just as important, if not more, than speaking. This is especially true when it comes to interacting with your adult children.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that young adults who perceived their parents as good listeners felt more satisfied with their relationship.

Listening shows that you value their opinion and respect them as individuals. It’s not just about being silent while they’re talking, but actively engaging and showing interest in what they’re saying.

Make sure you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak or using the time to formulate your own response. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective. This can significantly improve your communication and deepen your bond with them.

4) Being overly critical

We all want the best for our children, even when they become adults. But sometimes, our desire for them to improve can come off as constant criticism.

Whether it’s about their career choices, parenting style, or lifestyle habits, being overly critical can strain your relationship and lead to them feeling judged and misunderstood.

It’s important to strike a balance. Constructive criticism is beneficial when asked for or truly necessary, but constant nitpicking can be harmful.

Instead of focusing on their shortcomings, appreciate their achievements and progress. Recognize their strengths and the positive qualities they possess. This can foster a more positive relationship and encourage open communication between you.

5) Holding on to past mistakes

I think we can all agree, parenting doesn’t come with a manual. We make mistakes, and so do our children. I recall a time when my daughter made a decision that I didn’t agree with, and it led to a fallout between us.

At first, I held on to that mistake, letting it cloud my judgement every time we interacted. But over time, I realized that clinging to past mistakes was not helping either of us. It was creating a wall between us and hindering our communication.

I decided to let go, to forgive her and myself. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. The shift in our relationship was palpable.

Mistakes are part of life and growth. Holding on to them can stunt our relationships. Letting go, forgiving, and moving forward paves the way for deeper understanding and stronger bonds.

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

It’s natural to want to keep the peace and avoid difficult conversations. But dodging sensitive topics or tough discussions can actually create a wedge in your relationship.

Whether it’s about financial matters, health issues, or personal values, it’s essential to have these conversations with your adult children. It shows them that you respect and trust them enough to discuss important matters.

Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to misunderstandings and assumptions.

On the other hand, facing these topics head-on can help build mutual respect and understanding, strengthening your bond in the long run.

7) Failing to express love and appreciation

At the end of the day, your adult children need to know that they are loved and appreciated. Expressing your love goes beyond saying “I love you”.

It’s about showing appreciation for who they are, supporting their dreams, respecting their choices, and being there for them through thick and thin.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. So show them you care, in ways big and small.

This will reinforce your bond and let them know that no matter how old they get or where life takes them, your love and support will always be there.

The heart of the matter

In the end, maintaining a strong bond with your adult children boils down to respect, understanding, and love. It’s about acknowledging that they are not just your children, but also unique individuals with their own lives, dreams, and aspirations.

A famous quote by Hodding Carter Jr. says, “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other is wings.” It beautifully captures the essence of what it means to be a parent to adult children.

Giving them roots means providing them with love, values, and support. Giving them wings means letting them fly and make their own decisions, while respecting their boundaries.

Every step you take to let go of these seven behaviors is a step towards giving your adult children the wings they need to fly. And remember, as they soar high, your bond will only get stronger.

Reflect on it. Embrace it. Because at the end of the day, the bond between you and your adult child is a precious gift that continues to evolve and grow over time.