10 things oldest children are tired of hearing

Being the oldest child is like being handed a VIP pass to a club you never asked to join.

Sure, there are perks, like getting the new clothes first, but there’s also a lot of pressure, expectations, and—oh, joy—comments that make you want to scream into a pillow.

I’ve heard them all. The clichés, the unsolicited advice, the “jokes” that hit a little too close to home. And let me tell you, it gets old fast.

So, for every oldest child who’s been told they’re bossy or treated like a second parent, this one’s for you. Here are 10 things we’re absolutely tired of hearing.

1) “You’re the oldest, you should know better”

I bet every eldest child can relate to this. It’s a go-to phrase for parents and it never gets old – well, for them at least.

The assumption that age equates to superior judgement is not only unfair but also flawed. We’re all human and we all make mistakes, regardless of our birth order.

Just because we were born first doesn’t mean we have all the answers or should be expected to. This phrase heaps unnecessary pressure on us and frankly, we’re tired of it.

Next time, how about acknowledging that we’re still learning too?

2) “Why can’t you be more like your younger sibling?”

This one really touches a nerve. I still remember the sting of these words when I was a teenager.

My younger sister was the star athlete in our family, always bringing home trophies and medals.

I, on the other hand, was more interested in art and music – activities that didn’t result in shiny pieces of hardware to display on our mantelpiece.

Every time I heard this question, it felt like my interests and achievements were being diminished, simply because they were different from my sister’s.

However, we’re not clones. We have different talents and passions, and that’s okay. Comparing us doesn’t make us better, it just makes us feel worse.

3) “You have to set an example for your siblings”

Oh, the pressure of being a role model. This is a common phrase eldest children hear, placing us in a position of responsibility we didn’t ask for.

In fact, according to a study, oldest children often feel undue stress and anxiety due to the pressure of being the eldest child.

The constant reminder that our actions are being watched and emulated can be exhausting. We’re siblings, not parents, and it’s crucial to keep it in mind.

4) “You’re so bossy”

Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we’re naturally bossy.

Sure, we might take charge in situations because we’ve been conditioned to do so, but that doesn’t mean we’re dictators.

This stereotype can be quite hurtful, especially when it’s repeated over and over again. After all, there’s a big difference between being assertive and being bossy.

5) “You were the practice child”

This statement is often said in a joking manner, but it can still sting.

The idea that our parents were just ‘practicing’ on us, or that we were the guinea pigs for their parenting methods, can feel quite dismissive.

We, too, deserve the same level of understanding and patience that our younger siblings receive. Let’s drop this phrase and instead acknowledge the unique challenges each child brings to the parenting table.

6) “You had it easy, you didn’t have any siblings to deal with”

This one really tugs at the heartstrings. The assumption that being an only child for a while was a walk in the park can be far from the truth.

The arrival of a sibling is often a major upheaval for an eldest child.

We go from having all the attention to sharing it, from quiet to noise, from calm to chaos. It’s a transition that can be challenging and emotional.

Every change brings its own set of struggles. And us eldest children, we’ve weathered our fair share too.

7) “You don’t act your age”

Growing up, I was always told that I acted too mature for my age.

But when you’re expected to be a role model and help with younger siblings, it can be hard to just be a kid.

This phrase can make us feel like we’re not living up to expectations, or that we’re somehow failing at being our age.

It’s a harsh reminder that sometimes, growing up as the oldest child means growing up too fast.

8) “But you’re the oldest, you should go first”

This might sound like a privilege, but it’s not always as great as it seems.

Whether it’s starting a new school or being the first to get a job, going first can be daunting.

Being the eldest often means venturing into unknown territory without any sibling’s experiences to guide us.

The next time, instead of just pushing us forward, try acknowledging the courage it takes to be the pioneer.

9) “Why can’t you just let it go, you’re older”

Age doesn’t necessarily equate to the ability to let things go easily.

This phrase can feel dismissive of our feelings and experiences.

Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we don’t hurt, get upset or hold grudges. Our emotions are just as valid and deserve to be acknowledged and respected, not brushed off because of our birth order.

10) “You’re lucky you’re the oldest”

This phrase assumes that being the oldest is a privilege, a walk in the park.

But as we’ve seen, it comes with its own set of challenges and pressures.

Every birth order position has its unique perks and pitfalls. So let’s stop assuming that one is better than the other and start appreciating each child for their individuality.

Final thoughts

The life of an eldest child isn’t a black-and-white picture—it’s a beautifully chaotic blend of expectations, responsibilities, and the occasional eye-roll-worthy comment.

What we’ve learned along the way is resilience, adaptability, and how to laugh through it all.

But here’s the thing: it wouldn’t hurt for others to retire these tired clichés and recognize that being the oldest isn’t just a role—it’s part of who we are.

So next time you feel the urge to tell an eldest child to “set an example” or “just let it go,” take a beat. Maybe ask us how we’re doing instead.

Because, at the end of the day, we’re more than our birth order. And honestly? We’d love to be seen as just…ourselves.